Been through a lot tonight. Im trying to sleep but my mind wouldnt let me. Its just so painful i couldnt contain it. I feel like bursting and yes, i bursted. Out of nowhere it suddenly fell and im heating up. Im trying to control it, i just cant - I cried. Theres an ache inside, twisting to its finest and literally its so painful. Its weird how my body reacts to what im feeling right now. It just adds to the pain i need to endure. I need to be positive. I need to pretend for him to not be upset. For him not to be bothered. For him to be okay and dont over think such things. I love him thats why im letting him be free from this things. I hope this time I made it right. One day he’ll see something ‘right’ in me, in the things i do and choices i make. I love you pats. Remember that.